chickenhead learns to walk

Let me tell you a story about a chickenhead klutz named Sarah.
Sarah knew that disaster always occurred near her birthday, but she tempted fate anyway and went shopping for new clothes after her birthday. She found a pair of khakis at a store, but they were too long for her. The chickenhead looked all over the store, but couldn’t find a pair that were "short" instead of "regular." Since when is 5’5" short?
Sarah decided to order these fabulous khakis online, and to get the "short" variety. She couldn’t help but laugh at the idea of being "short."
The brand new "short" khakis came in the mail yesterday, and Sarah tediously ironed them last night after she had taken some nighttime sinus medicine. Manual labor in the face of grogginess proves Sarah’s love of well-pressed slacks. I believe Sarah has already regaled you with tales of her annual sinus agony.
This morning, Sarah put on her "short" khakis and hurried off to work. As usual, the old chickenhead was running late. Sarah got to work a few minutes before 8:00 and pulled into a parking spot near the back door. She jumped out of her car and rushed to get inside. After taking a few steps, the klutz found her path impeded by a parking curb. Alas, this realization did not occur until old chickenhead was splayed out on the asphalt like a mad science experiment. Chickenhead’s possessions were strewn across the ground, and she immediately assessed her new "short" khakis. Just below the knee, a huge hole gaped at her like the mouth of an evil clown. A sizable chunk of skin was missing from Chickenhead’s knee. Some women who witnessed the klutz’s collision with the parking curb took pity on the idiot and helped pick her up and dusted her off.
Sarah held it together until she got inside the building, and then promptly burst into tears.
Later, she discovered the reason her face and hands were unscathed and her knee was only partially bloody. The worst of her crash landing took its toll on her brand new genuine leather purse.
Stupid brand new "short" khakis with the brand new "giant" hole in them. Blast this wretched day.

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