useful curses

Lobbing the usual curses at other people is something I am trying to avoid, e.g. "If I had a sniper rifle at this moment, I would shoot you right in the ear."
Instead, I’m thinking of more run-of-the-mill scenarios that are still unpleasant for people who irk me. Which includes most of humanity.
"I hope your favorite hoodie has a hole in it and you discover it after being fired for corporate espionage."
"May your simple name always be mispronounced."
"I hope your girlfriend steals your iPhone and uses it to research rehab facilities into which to commit you."
"When the hair stops growing on the right side of your face, I hope you believe it’s the onset of early menopause."
"I hope other shoppers run into your cart with their cart at Wal-Mart every time you go, and that none ever apologize."
"I hope your baseball card collection seriously depreciates after a flash flood damages it just slightly."
While driving through the square in Bolivar, a car stole my turn at a four-way stop and then surprised me by parking at the courthouse, also my destination. I entered the building behind the man, certain he couldn’t be headed for the courtroom, like I was. As I took my seat in the courtroom, I saw him. He was there for something having to do with him being a general lowlife, if his driving is any proof. I considered taking the stand to offer testimony of his overuse of my oxygen, but instead I thought a curse at him.
"May your ridiculous shorts fail to provide adequate warmth when your piece of junk car breaks down somewhere in the Rockies when you are skipping bond. Jerk."

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s