My neighbors walk with their knuckles dragging the ground. Last night they were screaming and slamming things and running from one apartment to another. So I opened my door and said, "Do you want me to call the police on you again, you mouth-breathers?"
No response. Other than heavy mouth-breathing.
Then, when I closed my door, yelling and slamming with renewed vigor. I marched right over to my phone and reported a disturbance of the peace. Here comes John Law, "Can you guys keep it down?" Someone give him a donut, he really put himself out tonight.
"Arrest them!" I yelled at his retreating patrol car. "They are annoying me and no one is allowed to annoy me and remain free from the confines of a jail cell! Give them Binky as their roommate!"
Tonight they are doing some more door-slamming.
I did enjoy putting my landlord in an uncomfortable position today. He came down my stairs as I returned from work, and he had two SBU baseball-playin’ lookin’ mofos with him (probably showing them apartments). I totally put a kink in his renter possibilities when, loudly in front of the mofos, I told him to find me another place quickly before I lost my mind.
I am thinking of ways to make my mouth-breathing neighbors miserable, other than playing Sirius Satellite Little Steven’s Underground Garage at 6 a.m., parking so close to their cars that they have to make like Gumby to get in or out of them and loudly exclaiming my revulsion with their music preferences¬†of Savage Garden and Akon.
Any suggestions?