surely michelle

After a long day at work, I convinced my friend Michelle to take the dinner break due her last night. We went to Wal-Mart, bought some junk and checked out. In the parking lot, as I unlocked my car and returned the shopping cart, Michelle got in and hit every button in the car. She was hoping that when I turned the car on, the radio would be blaring and the air conditioner would be on full blast. Too bad for Michelle, my fancy Honda don’t work that way. I was telling her a story and she had this blank look on her face (she was waiting for the radio and air conditioner to blast). Usually when she isn’t paying attention, she just interrupts whatever I’m saying. I’ve taken to declaring "MID-STORY!" when she does this, in order to let her know I was in the middle of a story here and she isn’t going to interrupt. But this time, her mouth was just hanging open and she wasn’t responding to my declaration that I hated how lip gloss made my hair stick to my lips in high wind.
Fast forward to the Walgreens parking lot. I realized I had forgotten sinus medicine, which was my main reason for going to Wal-Mart. We decided to also stop at Walgreens. Michelle waited in the car. I thought she might try something else with my car while I was gone, but I had no idea the extent to which she would go.
I was in Walgreens, in the absolute very back of the store, when I heard what I thought sounded a lot like my car alarm.
"Surely not," I said to myself.
I continued to shop for sinus medicine. The alarm continued to beep annoyingly.
"That is surely not my car," I thought. "Surely Michelle did not somehow set off my car alarm…"
I took my time selecting my meds, thinking that if she had set off the alarm (which was still going off), then it served her right.
I finally headed to the cash register, and still the car alarm beeped like a road runner. Then I heard the cashier page "Code 60 at register 1." She may have just been paging for change, but in my mind, she was paging her Walgreens cohorts to call the cops on the attempted Honda theft in the parking lot.
I put down my sinus medicine and peeked around the front of the store to see my car. The lights were flashing and sure enough, it was my car alarm that had been going off for about five minutes. In the passenger seat sat Michelle, who was laughing so hard tears were pouring down her face. I couldn’t believe it. I hit the unlock button on my keychain, and the beeping stopped.
Later, when questioned, Michelle admitted she had been pushing buttons and had set off the alarm.
Today, Michelle cancelled lunch with another friend and went to lunch with me and Brett. She had told her friend she had to work through lunch. Brett kept telling her he saw the woman she’d cancelled on. While we were paying for our lunch (actually, Brett was paying), he pretended he saw the friend. Michelle wasn’t wearing her contacts, so she couldn’t really see whether or not he was lying. I waved at a random guy innocently eating his lunch, and all Michelle saw was me waving and smiling at someone as Brett said, "There’s your friend!" Michelle flipped out. It was hilarious.
The random lunch-eater may have thought I was insane, but it was worth it. Besides, the coroner came in and started talking to us, saving me from having to explain to random lunch-eater why I had been waving at him.

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