today’s headlines

Reporter procrastinates writing month-old story
Plays with cheap Halloween toy from Walgreens instead
Gunk from zombie brain dries like a science experiment, writer says
Popped zombie brain replaced by two more from Walgreens
Two zombie brains spotted making out
Bored reporters pulling the strings, investigation finds
Both bosses gone today
Joke about co-worker’s swine flu goes unpunished
Oliver presented with ‘Prime Rib of Journalism Award’
Made in 1.3 minutes by West with Photoshop
BREAKING NEWS: Co-worker with swine flu put something in West’s coat pocket
Oliver only now informing West of this
West sending text messages to glum friend
Friend not cheering up, West says
Study finds over-consumption of coffee has ruined my bladder
An intensely personal study by Sarah West
Post-It note in coat pocket has number of ex-coroner
West feels sexually harassed by ex-coroner and swine flu-struck employee

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