you know you want to

Jan. 27, 1992: [The following was written in black Sharpie] Today we moved desks. I sit next to ROZLYN.
Jan. 25, 1997: Band concert. Andrew flirted with Natalie all night. AGAIN!!!
Jan. 24, 2007
(Phuket, Thailand)
We slept late and went to lunch down the street. After we ate, a Thai transvestite appraoched us and told us we were all beautiful. He told the others no offense, but I was really beautiful because I was so pale. [I really miss Asia. My freakishness was celebrated.]
His name is Dam (means "black" in Thai) because he’s so dark. He was wearing a lot of cheap perfume and gold jewelry. He gave us his business card and told us not to trust anyone and to call him if we needed anything.
We were standing on the sidewalk, trying to figure out how to get to the beach, when Dam came out and offered to give us a ride to the bus station. So we rode in  a Thai tranvestite’s car.
We rode the bus to Karon Beach for 25 baht.
We walked a while down the beach, looking for a good spot to park it. We saw a lot of old people, many of whom were wearing very little clothing. Lots of topless women, so lots of old boobs.
Christy and I enjoyed getting in the water and running into it Baywatch-style. We were having fun until our bodies started stinging immensely. We couldn’t see anything that could be the cause of it, but it hurt like a mother.
After the sunset, we ate at a restaurant and I had a Mai Tai, which I swear had barbituates in it or something, because I was about to go into a coma at the table.
Today, Christy and I found a taxi driver who would take us to Laem Singh for 100 baht. We just had to stop by a few shops along the way and pretend to shop. We went to a tacky, overpriced jewelry store, a tacky, overpriced silk and decorative crap store (that didn’t pay our driver for taking us there like the others) and a decent pearl store that taught us how to tell a real pearl from a fake one and also gave us pineapple juice and then took it away again.
We finally got to Laem Singh and had to walk down some stairs to get to the beach. It was a lot less crowded, but there were a lot more young people and we saw a lot more boobs, of course. We sat next to some young, skinny, blonde, tan, topless Swedish girls who looked 14 except for their outsized breasts.
I was crawling up on a rock (like Ariel, of course, to sing) when I realized there were MILLIONS of crabs on the rock that you couldn’t see until they were 2 inches from your face. I FREAKED OUT.
We made fun of pretty much everyone else, speaking in New Jersey accents (I don’t know why), making fun of Europeans (YAH! SVEDEN!) and using what little Chinese we know to insult everyone.
We were trying to catch a bus back, and we figured the tuk-tuk drivers lied to us so we’d have to take a tuk-tuk. We did eventually get one and I made sure to subtly insult the driver by saying, "Do you know where our hostel is, you queer?" All very smilingly with my sweet face and black heart.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s