i am an adult

Why are feathers so soft on one end and so pokey in the face on the other end?
Jessicat suggested (insisted, more like) I take a lunch break with her today and go with her to Wal-Mart and lunch.
"I have lunch," I said, pointing to my four slices of cheese and crackers.
"Oh my gosh. I will buy you something. Seriously. That’s pathetic."
"I happen to like cheese and crackers."
"Yeah but that’s sad. Come on! Let’s get out of here!"
"OK. But I’m bringing my cheese and crackers."
Has the heat ever made you crazy? It does me, apparently.
"We’re going to listen to some good music and we’re going to blast it," I told Jessica while stumbling to her car.
Upon entering her car, "Oh crrrraaaaaaaaaaaaap. We should have taken my car."
"Why?" she asked.
"Because it has better air conditioning."
Her lower lip jutted out defiantly and she cranked up the air conditioning and the Jay-Z.
At the bank drive-thru, I’m warbling "Empire State of Mind," eating my cheese and crackers and declaring Jessica to be as slow as an old lady.
"I doubt an old lady would listen to this kind of music," she said.
I took my cheese in Wal-Mart because I did not want it to melt.
At the Wendy’s drive-thru, I stuttered in yelling the lyrics to an Eminem song. Jessica mocked me.
"Whatever. I’m not a rappist."
"No, rappist. That way I can unrape two birds with one stone."
I laughed hysterically while Jessica shook her head in total disgust.
Then I rolled down my window and sang along to Sean Kingston in a Kermit the Frog voice.
When we got back to the office, my cheese was all melty. I threw a piece (flung, more like) at Jessica, which took her quite by surprise. She stuck it in a magnetic chip-clip. It was pleasantly disgusting. Then she rolled it into a ball and told me I should put it on Michelle’s desk. I declined.
I am an adult, after all.

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