Dear Leona,

What is your favorite color? If you could be a mermaid, vampire or werewolf, which would you choose? If you had to be killed by a mermaid, vampire or werewolf, which would you choose? What do you smell like? Is this thing on?

Also, what should I do about my stepmother’s father-in-law who will not stop stealing her uncooked spaghetti noodles?

Sincerely,

Noodle Head

Dear Noodle Head,

Gray, dark gray or charcoal. Mermaid. Vampire. Flesh. No.

You should really mind your own business. Uncooked spaghetti noodle theft is a deeply personal issue. We hope you can find help for this. We don’t know who “we” is.

Good day,

Leona

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