Since starting this blog, several concerned friends and family members have commented or contacted me. See, they thought I was doing OK, for the most part.
I understand their confusion. Let me explain myself.
Like many, many other people experiencing grief, I appear to be doing OK. That’s because I am doing OK, generally. I’m not great or fantastic or any other really positive words that I seem to only use sarcastically. I’m just OK.
I’m getting by. I still laugh and joke and come off as “normal,” but there’s a lot more going on under the surface.
I’m finally ready to write about some of those feelings, hence the blog. Some of my dear friends and family were worried, maybe a little alarmed, but let me stress that I am OK. The battle is already won, after all. I will be OK and everything will be OK.
What you read here may be hard to take. I understand if it is too depressing and you don’t want to read it. I am OK if you don’t want to have to think about these things, or at least not as often as I do.
I can’t escape my mind, however, and letting it out helps me. I would be lost if not for my loved ones who listen to my troubles even when they would rather be thinking of happy things. So I want to say thank you to a few people.
Matty Hilton, you are easily my favorite person ever. You can tell just from the look in my eyes how I’m feeling. I am so, so blessed to have you.
Dad, Cynda, Gerry, Nathan, Michelle, you all have been so supportive and loving, even though you grieve just as deeply as I do. What a wonderful family we have.
Lauren, I love you with all my heart for who you are and how tireless you are in your support of me.
Patty, you’ve been through everything I’m going through and more. You have a way of making me feel completely understood, and we both know you should be the writer.
Christy, I know you would do anything for me, and I’m so astounded by your goodness and kindness.
My church family, Jessica, Jess, Danielle, Lindsey, I know I’m going to forget someone, this is a sentence just to see if you’re still reading, Barbara, Amanda, so many good friends who encourage me on Facebook, in text, on the phone, any way they can – thank you.
Thank you, all of you, for allowing me to grieve.

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