snail shells and social security

While driving and listening to “The Age of Miracles” by Karen Thompson Walker (thanks, Jess), I suddenly had a vision of what the world might have looked like in prehistoric times, when giant snails roamed the earth.* I pictured them as wide as two lanes of highway. Matt asked me (because of course I described […]

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ten predictions

Instead of making New Year’s resolutions, I find it more useful and entertaining to make New Year’s Predictions. (Note: The items I predict will not necessarily happen in 2013. Or ever.) 1. Something resembling control or restrictions happens to assault weapons or doesn’t happen but is talked about at length while the Mormons quietly assemble […]

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pit-marinated mildew

A recent spate of encountering others with physical curiosities has me puzzled. Some of my friends have mentioned that a woman we know has strong body odor. I haven’t detected this myself, but I trust their olfactory abilities. However, I have observed, on many occasions, a woman who has several very long hairs on her […]

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confession

Probably about a month ago, I brought a banana to work for a snack. When I peeled the banana, it was clearly past its prime. So I threw it away in my trash can. Unpeeled. Our cleaning crew quit or was fired — who knows — and we’ve been responsible for throwing out our own […]

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